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June 2008

We did it: we won the Euro thingy

When I say “won”, what I mean of course is “survived”.

Euro Whatnot Thing has been and gone and none of our team has been injured. We were helped by the fact that some countries got knocked out early, some of our players were injured anyway and so didn’t get there, and our two superstars, […]

Ade: the truth at last

Barca need to buy players, and have a vested interest in unsettling the players of teams they might meet in the Champions League. The President has to keep the fans happy after a disastrous season, the manager’s gone, and Cesc’s performance in the Euros is rubbing their noses in it.

I’d say it […]

Just 1 game to go in the great injury fest

Here we are

This is it.

It is nearly over.

We (the great tribe that lives at Untold Arsenal Towers) are holding our own and each other’s breaths, and it is getting painful.

We’re so nervous we have to keep going to the toilet (and holding our breaths).

The cause of the excitement is quite […]

Crouch to Arsenal: all the facts and background info

Apparently Crouch is coming to Arsenal to replace Ade. The reason is the two players have a lot in common. Crouch is tall and so is Ade. Also Ade is tall, and so is Crouch – so you can see the link.

Of course you will now want to know all about Crouch – and […]

The most mouthwatering headturning transfer story of the century

The point about some (not all, but some) of the pronoucements made within Untold Arsenal is that 132% of the stuff that we all read in the papers, hear on the TV, and see in the blogs, about Arsenal and transfers, is untrue.

And not just untrue, so utterly, totally, completely, widly untrue, that no […]

Barca apologise to Arsenal over Adebayor

Barca (or the “Catalan Giants TM” as the press like them to be called) have formally apologised to Arsenal FC, (“the north London club”) over the stories about Barca trying to buy Adebayor.

“It was a sad case of mistaken identity,” said Hardly Anyone, the President of Barca. “We wanted a really intelligent insider in […]

Ex-player says current player should stay/leave: Exclusive

How to be a top rated journalist for a big time paper.

1. Look down the list of players of any team you dislike quite a bit. So, assuming your love Arsenal (otherwise why are you reading this, please close your computer and go and lie down somewhere). For this example, let’s take Manchester Bankrupt’s […]

What will happen to Hleb if/when he goes?

Or put another way, will he too suffer the Curse of Arsenal?

Just to refresh your memory in case you have gone beyond the age of 18 and thus have started to lose the brain cells, almost every player who has left Arsenal has done badly – often very badly. The last one who did […]

Wenger gets another one over Sir Alex F

If you saw them walk off at Ancient Trafford, Lord Wenger and “Sir” Alex FWord were all close buddies and lovely mates. And why not? The two clubs were the only ones to play attacking positive football, and both have a lot in common when it comes to dealing with the likes of Chelsea, and […]

Who’s up and who’s down: the Arsenal numbers

Straight in at number 12 is Carlos Vela, Mexican superstar centre forward who plays like Eduardo.

Aaron Ramsey is also straight in at number 16.

But the big mystery is what has happened to Fran Merida. He’s… nowhere.

Almunia shoots up to number 1 as expected, and Fabianski takes up place 21. There are gaps […]

More on Ade’s move to Barca

There’s a piece we published earlier today (I don’t think it made it onto Gooner News for some reason, so if you missed it, you might like to go to the Archive list below left and pick up on it.

Anyway, part of the story relates to the fact that there are plots, sub-plots and […]

Barca and Arsenal: what’s really happening

Here’s a couple of key points:

First Barca are not rolling in money. They have to sell their stars before they can move on and start buying. Yes they have some cash, but not the billions that might be imagined.

Second, the President and the club need to combat the wild statements of Real Madrid. […]

Van Persie safe; Stanley Matthews signs

Stanley Matthews, the wizard of the wing, so good he once had an entire FA Cup Final all to himself, is “set to” sign for Arsenal. Clubs across the world are “braced” for an annoucement.

The World Player of 1958 (whose catchphrase was “Football: because it is”) was put on standby for Robin Van […]

Arsenal 7 Middlesboro 0: would you buy this man a cup of tea?

This is not a post from the past, but very much one for today. It wasn’t just that the Middlesborough game played chez Highbury was so good (which it was) or that the Boro were so bad (they were fairly rough) it was that they were managed by a certain nutcase known as the McClaren. […]

Does humour have a place in football

When I gather with a few mates at the Auld Triangle (or whatever it chooses to be called this season), prior to another stunning Arsenal victory, we stand in the road (in contravention of the 2004 Road Traffic Act), drink (ditto) and talk (probably ditto under the Terrorism Act, and now punishable by 42 days […]

Adebayor: the full story

To the north of London, past the dim and forbidding landscapes of Luton, there is a modest sized town with a pub which is known as the Toppled Bollard. That’s not its real name – it is just the name given to it by locals who noticed that all the keep left signs in the […]

If Holland can play like Arsenal why not England?

In footballing terms Holland doesn’t have much going for it. It’s not very big – 16 million people which is about 30% the size of England.

The league is very poor, compared to the EPL, and virtually all top players play outside of the country.

So how come they can play so well – and […]

What journalists refuse to say about Euro 2008

The injury list from Euro 2008 is getting massive.

But is it the biggest set of injuries ever? Given that supporters of their clubs won’t be able to watch them at full fitness next season you might expect the newspapers to be keeping a running total of just how much damage Euro 2008 does to […]

France punished over Flamini affair

The mysterious group of fans known as the “Curse of Arsenal” who claim to have the power to influence events on and off the pitch, struck again yesterday as France exited from the Euro Games in a sad and sorry display.

The “Curse of Arsenal” group had previously explained that their curse placed on Flamini […]

Fixture list reveals need for depth of squad

The fixture list for the new season reveals that after five of the six champions league group stage matches, Arsenal will be away. Thus the club could be involved in a long trip back from some far flug corner of Europe, arriving back perhaps Thursday lunchtime, and then on Friday face a trip away again.


What ever happened to feeder clubs?

Once upon a time there were feeder clubs – Arsenal were one of the first clubs to have such a relationship – with Margate FC in the 1930s.

Since then the powers that be have, inevitably, become involved and made all sorts of rules about the relationship between clubs. Arsenal worked their way through the […]

Rosicky still injured… maybe

This is the time of year when people of sense and sensibility hold their breath, waiting for news of a player getting crocked in an international.

So far it has not happened this summer – maybe this could be the first summer since, oh, sometime around the middle ages, when no Arsenal player has been […]

Is this the end of anti-football?

2007/8 was the season of Anti-Football – that awful, slow, grinding out of negative football with the hope of nicking a goal at the end. This wasn’t the only year of Anti-Football, but it was one of the worst.

Most infamous operators of the system were Chelsea under Grant, Greece and Glasgow Rangers. What is […]

The funniest story of the hour, day, week, month, year…

Here it is.

Oswaldo Ceaser Ardilles is going to be director of football at Southampton. Or is it Sheffield Wednesday. Sorry I have forgotten – I was laughing so much.

Here is the great man’s work thus far in footballing management

Swindon Town – resigned amidst financial irregularities

Newcastle Utd – sacked

West Bromwich Woddleu […]

Why Scholari is such wonderful news for Arsenal

Imagine for a dreadful moment that you (rather than “Sir” Alex Ferguson) are the manager of Manchester Bankrupt.

Your entire basis for future success is based on buying, buying and more buying, generally with an outpouring of 35 million pounds a year – maybe more. Yes, let’s conceded you are a great manager, a brilliant […]